H.M.S. Whinyboat

2004-03-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

Been posting here in case anyone wondered!

2003-11-13T19:41:00.000-05:00

This was too perfect. *grin*

I believe you belong in Pride and Prejudice; a
world of satire and true love. A world where
everything is crystal clear to the reader, and
yet where new things seem to be happening all
the time. You belong in a world where your
free-thought puts you above the silly masses,
and where bright eyes and intelligence are
enough to attract the arrogant
millionaire/prejudiced young woman of your
choice.

Which Classic Novel do You Belong In?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-19T15:48:00.000-04:00

No power. More importantly, no water. *whimper* No shower! No flushing toilet! No cold soda!

Lori has so kindly offered the use of her place, which has both. And we found an open restaurant, so Reesa can have a birthday dinner. And with any luck, things will improve BEFORE the six days county services are predicting...

2003-09-17T21:56:00.000-04:00

The hatches are battened, all loose items secured... and now we wait.

They closed schools for tomorrow, so that almost ensures that this will all turn out to be nothing. But hey, a day off! *grin* Who am I to complain? And it's not worth taking a chance. I was having nightmare visions of my little guys out waiting for the bus. And getting blown away by a 70 mph gust. We'd never find them again!

2003-09-13T23:23:00.000-04:00

This was interesting. *grin* Job-wise, anyway...

What will be your HP life? by Doom_Song
Name
Job	Teacher
Partner	Sirius Black
Death	Killed by Voldemort

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

2003-09-02T17:47:00.000-04:00

See me knocking on wood?

First day today. Drew stuck a therapy tube up his nose, one end in each nostril. And then tried to stab himself in the stomach with a pencil three times, with accompanying sound effects. But those are the ONLY things that happened today! Every other kiddo was perfect.

I'm scared. *grin* Please please please let this be a sign for the year as a whole, and not just a honeymoon phase!

2003-08-29T21:05:00.000-04:00

I love my job. I adore my kiddos and I have co-workers who are also dear friends. But this year... this year I've had two people shoved in my room. They lost their caseload, and thus their right to their own room. I have to share MY caseload, my second graders that I've taught since Kindergarten. And I've spent the last week waffling between "we'll get through this" to "somebody ain't making it out of this year alive."

Right now I'm leaning heavily towards the "somebody ain't making it" train of thought.

2003-08-24T11:22:00.000-04:00

Right now in my living room I have 3 cats, 1 hamster, 1 chinchilla and 2 gerbils. Although the gerbils are going home to their new mommy tonight. And as of tomorrow, I'm apparently going to be co-owner of 2 aquatic frogs. Room for people? *snicker* Yeah, right.

2003-08-22T21:13:00.000-04:00

*bounce* I got listed as a friend on Deniz's page!

2003-08-22T20:03:00.000-04:00

There is a painfully cute chinchilla zooming around my living room. So damn cute that you have to stop whatever you're doing, gaze at him with adoring eyes and go "aaawwwww!"

2003-08-17T22:24:00.000-04:00

Home now. *grin* Had an incredible weekend, met bunches of great people, did fun stuff, laughed lots. Perfect.

2003-08-15T10:25:00.000-04:00

Another Lilek's quote. *grin* On children's parties.

How about one of those inflatable bouncy-room things, a.k.a the Skull-knocker, a.k.a the Tooth-Loosener, a.k.a Lip-Splitter? Only if I could get the Totanic, which is an inflatable bouncy-thingie designed to look like the Titanic ramming an iceberg. Yes, such a thing exists. Do an Internet search if you don't believe me. The Totanic: It's an inflatable ship that's half sunk, with an inflated iceberg. As one rental site puts it:

Experience the thrill of sliding down the deck of the Totanic from 20 feet above the ground, with an icy cold bounce waiting for you at the bottom! This item is great for school carnivals and church festivals.

I won't ask if these people are out of their minds; I'll answer for them, and in the affirmative. I don't know of any other children's party activity whose inspiration is a maritime disaster. But why not? The Lusitotica: Nothing happens for hours and hours -- then there's a mysterious explosion, and the party's over in 17 minutes. The Edmund Totzgerald: If you have bad weather on party day, this is the Doomed Inflatable Bouncy Ride for you. If you're lucky, Gordon Lightfoot will compose a song about the event that's longer than the event itself.

2003-08-12T14:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, should I not admit I still have a complete fascination with the whole "Paul is dead" thing? We went through a big craze freshman year in high school. A friend got me a couple of really rare magazines on the subject.

Damn, we were morbid. *grin*

2003-08-12T14:23:00.000-04:00

I was never really a Babylon 5 fan. After this, I may have to change my mind. What a great person.

2003-08-05T17:38:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here eating a FREE pint of Haagen-Dazs chocolate raspberry torte ice cream because Irwin and Dave are truly gods among men.

2003-08-02T10:56:00.000-04:00

There's something about wanting to puke your guts out and then having someone you love show up with a cool washcloth that makes things right with the world again.

2003-08-01T18:19:00.000-04:00

Can I say how much I love mixing my own essential oil perfumes? *grin* I was into aromatherapy before it was trendy!

2003-07-27T20:32:00.000-04:00

This is where you'll find me next July.

I am now opening bids on bribery for a spot on my floor!

2003-07-27T20:27:00.000-04:00

Things Explained

When I write, I've never -seen- what I'm writing. Instead, it's about how the actual words fit together, how they sound. I can describe my characters in a stream of phrases that works for me, but if asked to find a photo of someone who resembles a character, I can't do it.

My enjoyment of poetry comes from the way the words meet and merge, rather than the images they seem to project for other people. It doesn't make my enjoyment any less. Just different.

If asked to describe a co-worker or even a friend, I can only do it in the most general of ways... hair color, maybe height.

I -still- have to consciously think about which is my left and which is my right.

And now things finally make sense! *grin* I knew it was an LD issue. I just never had a name for it.

Spatial Processing Dysfunction
Spatial processing dysfunction could have the following possible effects on learning:
In reading possible delay in sight vocabulary acquisition
In spelling, possible difficulties with visualization and phonetically correct spelling errors
In math, some difficulty with geometric concepts and appreciation of spatial attributes
Problems interpreting maps, diagrams, graphs, and complex charts
Possible left-right confusion
Weak facial recognition
Deficiency in certain types of nonverbal reasoning
Trouble forming mental imagery

2003-07-16T15:27:00.000-04:00

My Soap Opera Scenario... *giggle*

The Double-Crosser

The Double-Crosser's that wily character who works their way into everyone's lives, good graces, and beds. That's because on the surface, they're so appealing that many people can't even see the Double-Crosser's secret agenda.

While you might not share all those traits with The Double-Crosser, there's no denying you're a genial type who makes a good first impression and has no trouble making friends. People like to be around your good-natured, good-humored personality. Whether you've got your own agenda, or someone else's in your sights, is anyone's guess.

You and The Double-Crosser are probably playing for different sides of good and evil (we hope!). Should we ever find out otherwise, we suspect you'll already be long gone, sipping fruity drinks on a tropical beach while Interpol desperately searches for your trail. Unless of course you went for plastic surgery and have already inserted yourself into a new city. Who says the good guy always wins?

2003-07-05T16:56:00.000-04:00

If you have a lot of time to read something, this was extremely interesting. And touching.

A report from a Russian orphanage

I guess I'm aware of how the pictures children draw reflect inner thoughts, I use it with my kids in the sense of determining potential developmental issues. But I found this article fascinating because it dealt with older kids as well.

I never thought about siblings being seperated, but I'm just sickened at the thought. Yeah, I realize it's done to give as many kids a chance as possible, but it's not like they're being sent to different towns. These kids are being adopted onto seperate -continents-. And it's just really heartbreaking.

2003-06-23T12:41:00.000-04:00

I'm home. Alone. As in house to myself! *grin* This is very cool.

Another year over. I feel like I should have something deeply philosophical to say, but I believe I'll just sit quietly for awhile.

2003-06-11T21:58:00.000-04:00

What a fucking day.

The morning started out great. At 11:20 my voice was so hoarse I could barely talk... Yet I was running around stopping everyone I could find to jump up and down and screech about how proud I was of my Marcus.

I honestly thought it would be beyond him this year, but this kiddo nailed the relationship between addition and subtraction, i.e. if 5+4=9, then 9-4=5. This is a -hard- concept. And after an hour of playing this silly little game I thought up (Kids' reaction: *giggle* *stare* "You're CRAZY!"), he had it! I hugged him and danced around the room with him, and just beamed until my face hurt (my throat already hurt from yelling during the game).

At 2:30, mom called to tell me that Meg has Type 1 diabetes.

2003-06-10T20:40:00.000-04:00

Yaay, Reesa fixed my Blog!

2003-06-08T21:25:00.000-04:00

The Spirited Leader - You are usually the one who
accepts tasks that others find daunting. You
work hard and are not afraid to make sacrifices
if you believe in the cause. Unfortunately, you
always end up feeling overwhelmed and lonely.
You can keep your chin up however, because
you'll always succeed, no matter how long it
takes.

What Type of Storybook Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-06T19:06:00.000-04:00

*giggle* Slanguage by Mike Ellis. Full of useful info!

Say Doo PeePee Don: French for "That's donkey peepee" (C'est du pipi d'ane)

Rattle your dags: New Zealandish for "Hurry up" (dags are the bits of dried poop that hang off the wool of sheep, and rattle when they move)

We've all learned something new today!

2003-05-24T20:48:00.000-04:00

Rotten, ungrateful rodent. After all I've done for her, she turns on me like this and worries me sick!

Thank goodness apple is Harriet's downfall. *grin* Greed is good. And I can't imagine how funny that tug-of-war looked...

I'm duct-taping her cage shut from now on.

2003-05-20T22:23:00.000-04:00

Oh good lord. *snicker* I've hit the high point of depravity. I've ordered groceries on line. And I'm having them delivered!

2003-05-08T22:22:00.000-04:00

But as a footnote to all that, the people I love are wonderful. They make even the worst stuff bearable.

2003-05-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

I'm on the way to the hospital to see my Gram... she had another stroke last night.

One of my kiddos had a seizure during the night. Her third grade sister found when she went to wake her up for school. She was completely unresponsive. The third grader had to relay this story when she got to school.

I have a new kiddo in class that I can't touch.

Dear friends are making the decision tonight when to take their mom off life support and let her go.

I think I may be done crying for awhile though. That's a positive.

2003-05-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

I'm afraid I'm not going to be a pleasant person to be around tonight. I know I won't be a sympathetic person at all...

Spent an hour in a meeting that just left me shaking. And I can't talk about any of it for confidentiallity and safety reasons.

I want to say one thing though. For all the ragging on CPS employees and social workers that gets done today, I wouldn't take that job for all the money in the world. I heard one... ONE story today. They hear countless stories every single day. And these girls (I should say women, but they were SO young) were so earnest and professional and yet still compassionate.

2003-05-04T14:59:00.000-04:00

*grin* Okay, opening a request for input here since I'm curious.

How d'you go about revealing a character's past? Obviously, everyone's past is important to who they are, but what if the past is more important than usual for explaining current actions? And the particular character is unwilling to discuss the past with anyone (since this would be the easiest and most obvious choice)? And you're pretty committed to writing the present?

Favorite/preferred/hated ways of doing it? I'm in a poll-taking mood here!

2003-05-02T23:25:00.000-04:00

Crap, what a day. Late getting into my kiddos because of a departmental meeting, and I just never regained control. Eric shrieked and screamed (and shrieked and screamed and shrieked and screamed...), Marcus sobbed inconsolably because Sean didn't want to be his best buddy anymore, Kevin insisted he was a chicken and clucked for a straight hour, Kyle came in in a nasty mood and did his best to antagonize everyone he could, Nicki cried because she's Eric's friend and he got sent to time out...

Yeah. Bought The DSM IV Training Manual tonight. I'm going to be using it to diagnose myself.

2003-05-01T20:15:00.000-04:00

I've been coming across the DSM-IV in my classes, and decided to make some use of all that information. *grin* Classify my really not-quite-right characters!

Like Chou. Chou has always driven me crazy. What the hell is it about that boy?? And Dominic... he still scares the crap out of me and I haven't written him in a couple of years. Well, thanks to my 100 score on my Characteristics of ED final exam (insert smug little bounce here), I feel qualified to explain -exactly- what's wrong with them both!

Looking at the Multiaxial Assessment, Chou can be identified along Axis I with mood, dissociative and impulse-control disorders. Along Axis II, I think there's probably a good case for Avoidant Personalty Disorder. On the Disturbing-Disturbed Continuum, Chou's behaviors most definitely fall under the Disturbed category.

Dominic falls in a slightly different spot along Axis I in the Multiaxial Assessment. The dissociative and impulse-control disorders are there, but there's an even bigger helping of mood and psychotic disorders. Along Axis II, Dom is looking at severe Antisocial Personality Disorder. And if there were two Irrational Beliefs that described him perfectly, they would be "I should get exactly what I want exactly when I want it" and "I never have to listen to anyone except me."

Fun with analysis!

2003-04-29T19:15:00.000-04:00

*grin* Had to try it...

13 1/13 inch, ebony and mercury. Interesting and
unusual are severe understatements for this
Gregorovitch wand. You've got your own style
and your own opinions, and you probably live in
your own world as well. Join us down here in
the real world sometimes, will you?

Which wand will yours be?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-28T14:31:00.000-04:00

Violentkids.com. Dr. Helen Smith has some interesting things to say about "killer kids".

It is popular, in our argument-driven society, to place the blame for any tragedy on some scapegoat or another. In the case of school killings, commentators have blamed violent movies, the Internet, guns, rap music, or the popularity of occultism. In my opinion, it is a mistake to call any of these factors "the cause" of school killings.

The truth is that teens who kill in school settings or elsewhere are already deeply disturbed individuals who are easily sent over the edge. The predisposition to violence is already there.

2003-04-27T16:22:00.000-04:00

GAH!

In the past week, I've had 2 exams, 2 papers, 2 IEPs, 1 Local Screening and 3 staff meetings. I think I can finally draw a breath now that's not panic-stricken. And when Reesa gets home safely tonight I might even be able to start feeling like a normal, unfrazzled person again!

No chance at all yet to say anything about Paris. Although this quote sums it up so well...

Everything I saw... evoked that strange pang which even first-time visitors to Paris recognize, with some astonishment, as nostalgia. A buried memory seems to stab at your consciousness in Paris, and you follow in the steps of an elusive phantom deja-vu, but never quite catch up... The feeling that the stranger in Paris has is the feeling of return.
John Clellon Holmes, Displaced Person

This is what keeps me coming back, that simple feeling of coming home.

2003-04-08T21:25:00.000-04:00

I wonder sometimes what the teachers in the rooms around me think when they hear us.

Working on money values today... 5 pennies equals a nickel, 2 nickels equals a dime, etc. So I made a game out of it. I'd say "Hey, I'll trade you 3 pennies for that nickel." And the kids would have to jump up and shout "No way, that's a rip-off! I want 5 pennies for my nickel."

*grin* Of course I had to explain rip-off first. But after that, we all had a blast.

2003-03-24T20:39:00.000-05:00

(insert banjo music here)

It's Dueling Hamster Balls!

And not the big hairy kind.

2003-03-23T19:41:00.000-05:00

Someone wore my Happy Yellow Socks yesterday and sucked up all my casino luck in Atlantic City.

I did okay with the coming out in negative numbers... It was the "I'm gonna barf" feeling that took the shine off the day. I haven't thrown up in front of another person since I was five. And I wasn't about to break that record yesterday!

2003-03-17T21:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I can see it now.

We'll get to Paris and immediately come down with that new killer mystery disease. And the hospitals won't treat us because we're Americans. And we won't be able to get back home for treatment because US airspace'll be closed.

I want to be buried in Pere Lachaise!

2003-03-14T17:14:00.000-05:00

Grrrr. It's bad enough that I have to spend my Friday night AND my Saturday in class. But smart-ass emails from my so-called advisor really top it off.

have you been getting my letters? if so, then you probably
read that those of you who are ready to take the reading
practicum this summer were to meet in february. We have had
that meeting...

Nice use of caps and punctuation from a department head.

So I send a message back saying that no, I didn't get the letter, and that's why I wasn't at the meeting (duh). I then asked what I could do to get the info I needed. All the while thinking that the professional thing for her to have done was given me that information UP FRONT. They pay her to be an advisor, not to be snide. Anyway, the reply?

The
last letter went out in january. The meeting has taken
place for the reading practicum. I would suggest that you
contact the instructor and beg her to let
you in... it is her choice.

Can you hear me gritting my teeth?

2003-03-11T16:59:00.000-05:00

I just saw this really great commercial for allergy meds. This guy is out on the golf course and his allergies start acting up. He pulls a bottle of pills out, but there's no where to get a drink. Next thing you see he's bopping himself in the back of his head... popping his eyes out. Which he then precedes to wash in the ball washer and pop back in. Disturbingly amusing.

Compared to this, which is just disturbing. Au revoir to French food names. Okay, more than disturbing. It's pissing the shit out of me. Talk about freakin' stupid.

2003-03-02T23:42:00.000-05:00

Sally and Brinkley? Or a chinchilla?

I'm not stupid. I know this desire to surround myself with cuddly-things-to-love is merely a form of displacement or proxy or surrogation or whatever the fuck psychological term you feel like using. Does it mean you've skimmed your way through therapy when you realize what you're doing, but you can't stop yourself? I feel like I keep trying to reshape my life, but I don't know if it's to cover this huge hole within myself or to cover a big ol' external pit.

2003-02-28T17:02:00.000-05:00

From Food and Loathing

Intellectually, I've come to understand that struggling with weight and food is about love, sex, power, fear, control, father, mother, society. I get that. I understand that addiction to food is the ritual I've learned over a lifetime to cope with, well, everything. And that the deeper addiction is to self-loathing.

It's just so much easier to believe it's about the weight, or about the food. To the point where I'd rather have viewed myself as a self-righteous bitch who goes around thinking "Look what -I- can do. Look what -I'm- strong enough to do" rather than have admitted there was more going on there than weight and food.

2003-02-26T20:43:00.000-05:00

Food and Loathing is a very powerful novel. It takes a hell of a lot to keep my interest any more. Having trouble putting this down.

2003-02-25T16:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently I've ruined Beth of the Magical Vagina's favorite phrase. Woo woo. She writes it on the top of her kiddo's papers when they do a good job.

Me: "You mean woo hoo, right?"
Beth: "No, woo woo." (she demonstrates, with much enthusiasm) "Why?"
Me: "Well... woo woo to a lot of people is an area of the female body. Y'know, that magical place?"
Beth: (shocked expression) "Great, you've just turned my favorite phrase into a potty-mouth thing! You don't think we've got enough poop around here already?"
Me: (innocent look)

And despite this, she's still buying me M&Ms for my Hundred Day snack tomorrow.

I work with the best people in the world.

2003-02-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

I dreamed about Kari last night. It was snowing and we were walking down the middle of this empty road surrounded by farmland. It took most of the day to overcome the sense of meloncholy I woke up with. I guess the dream brought back to me how much I've wanted to be pregnant. And in it, Kari and I both came to the realization that it would never happen to either of us. Shit, I hope it's not true for her.

2003-02-11T19:09:00.000-05:00

Despite feeling beaten down, angry, overwhelmed and incompetent. Despite a close-the-bathroom-door-and-scream breakdown last night. Despite all this shit, I haven't felt any desire to hurt myself in response to it. This is very cool. I'm proud of this.

2003-02-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

I'm really wiped out, to the point that I'm just not sure what to do. I can't seem to gather coherent thoughts. Funny how that happens when I'm riding that thin line between laughing hysterically and bursting into tears at the slightest provocation...

I hate being a whiner. I hate feeling like things are spiralling out of control. I hate fearing that I might not be able to do everything that I need to. I really hate feeling incompetent.

Bah.

2003-02-07T12:45:00.000-05:00

It sucks that we lose President's Day holiday because of the snow day today. But over-all, probably a good thing. The last three weeks have completely drained me dry. And when you want to confront a 6 foot 4, 300 pound parent and kick his ass, it's probably time for a day off. I want to hurt people that hurt my kiddos.

I suspect this is a good part of the reason behind the high burn-out rate in this profession. You're here because you want to help. And when it starts feeling like it's you and a gaggle of six year olds against the rest of the world, it just sucks out every bit of stamimna you possess.

2003-02-02T20:58:00.000-05:00

Well. Certainly brought Imbolc in in style!

Want to talk about your ritual house cleansings...

2003-02-01T21:49:00.000-05:00

It's hard when you know the things not to say, but you've no clue what to say to make things better.

Not to say:

"It's not like it was a -real- baby."
"You only miscarry when there's something wrong. This was a mercy."
"You can just try again next month."

Having heard them all, I can verify that you really don't want to hear any of those. Actually, there isn't anything to say that's right. You don't want to hear anything at all. Hell, even "I'm sorry" hurts after awhile.

Still doesn't stop me from wanting to help.

2003-01-31T22:19:00.000-05:00

A Lileks quote.

Gnat hasn’t entered that phase of life where Crusts are viewed as Satan’s Scabs, something one cannot touch without losing your mortal soul. But we use one of them all-natch’ral peener butters. No, I do not have to go to the co-op, scoop it from a flyblown communal vat with a wooden spoon, put it in my reusable crock and carry it to the barter-counter with the handy hemp handle. This brand of all natural PB is made by Smuckers. (Always wondered if they really knew how odd their ad campaign sounds: With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good. By this logic, Dodgammed Sassmole Skithead Futtersmuckers would taste even better.)

It's been a tough week. Looking for funny stuff.

2003-01-31T21:27:00.000-05:00

I find myself incredibly fascinated with this site. I love grocery shopping in any place that's not home, and this is grocery shopping in Paris! Woo hoo! Making out my list for April.

2003-01-27T20:35:00.000-05:00

I must really be insane. Because if not, I'm going to be.

As tough as things are at school right now, I'm also enrolled in the two classes from hell. Started my "Characteristics of Children with Emotional Disorders" tonight. Scary shit. So Monday nights I'll learn what to look for in an ED kid. And Fridays and Saturdays, I'll learn behavior management plans for them.

I don't -understand- ED children. I don't understand the difference between an emotional disability and a psychiatric disorder. I don't understand why a preschooler who sees trains coming up out of the floor and through the walls and a preschooler who holds a plastic knife to a teacher's throat and threatens to drain all her blood are both diagnosed ED. And kept in the neighborhood school.

How can you say that a child who not only doesn't know right from wrong but doesn't care is ED, but not mentally ill? Isn't that the definition of a sociopath?

Argh!

2003-01-26T15:05:00.000-05:00

Ouch

2003-01-24T20:38:00.000-05:00

Oh no, wait. I've got another one that's close.

Our pod hosted a breakfast this morning for the other teachers. Our PE teacher (another decent one, Shan!) said he wasn't going to come to Poo Pod. Of course we all knew this was a lie-- No way he was turning down free food!

So Beth of the Magical Vagina made him a special plate of treats...

The Poo Poo Platter, consisting of Tootsie rolls, Baby Ruth bars, and chocolate-covered raisins.

Seriously, as ugly as this week's been, if I wasn't laughing I wouldn't be able to stop crying.

2003-01-24T20:34:00.000-05:00

Nothing like walking into one of your team-teachers' rooms and having a gaggle of kids run towards you shrieking "There's poop in Pizza Hut!!"

And that, darlings, was the highlight of the week.

2003-01-21T20:13:00.000-05:00

Rough day after sleepless, angry night. I can't fight on two fronts at the same time...

It got better. By the end of the day I think I experienced a little success. Or at least felt more on an even keel.

Harry Potter and the Fucking Day Job. Last book in the series, where Harry is forced to take a job at IHOP to pay the bills. *snicker* He was working there tonight.

2003-01-17T17:54:00.000-05:00

We've had a male IA sub this week. 23 years old, certified to teach PE, and just waiting for a position to open. He's been great with the kids, the boys have loved having a guy to roughhouse with.

Monday was a calm day, potty-production line ran smoothly. But Tuesday… eesh, Tuesday was NOT a good day. A five-accident-day to be exact.

We stopped him on the way out the door Tuesday afternoon and asked him if he'd be coming back. Keep in mind that this is a 23-year-old guy who's never changed a diaper in his life.

He stops dead in the hallway, salutes and says "Sergeant Poop will be reporting for duty as assigned sir!"

We all howled.

2003-01-14T20:46:00.000-05:00

Today at school

There's a lot of snickering going on in the halls after the touchy-feely meeting yesterday afternoon. The meeting was a dismal failure, but the results worked out. *grin* Big jump in morale, if only because we're all banding together against the ninnies.

But that's not the big news.

That would be Eric. He initiated contact with another child today!! *dancing happily* This is SO incredible. He asked Chas if he wanted to play. And then Brad asked if he could play catch with the two of them. They've both participated in parallel play, but this is a first. Two kiddos having big firsts on the same morning. It was indeed A Good Day.

2003-01-11T19:21:00.000-05:00

I don't think I'm going to like the class I'm taking this semester. Behavior Management... I thought it would be good. Y'know, prevent some of those throbbing vein moments?

The professor's great, very knowledgeable and experienced, and able to communicate it.

But the case studies... the case studies are horrible. They're all behavior management plans for ED kids, and I'm just not sure how many more studies I can read about ten-year-olds who cut their wrists or seven-year-olds who routinely beat up their mothers or abused children born of abused parents. And every story accompanied by a description of how the social services system failed these kids…

2003-01-09T18:39:00.000-05:00

Today at School

Kyle: "Your face is all red."
Mark: "Yeah, really red!"

And at a later point in the day...

Ruyer: "Look, look, you have a vein in your head!"

Vicky told me that yelling "That's because my head is going to explode!" would be a bad response. *snicker* I can't imagine why.

2003-01-08T22:08:00.000-05:00

My main resolution for the New Year... To actually -act- as happy as I am.

So far this week at school:

* Nicki created a multi-word sentence!! "Daddy wears ties to work."

* Ruyer, when his sister put her 2-year old daughter in a time-out: "She's too young for a time-out! You shouldn't do that because she doesn't understand." Wow... my kiddo's growing up. He sounded so mature. *grin*

* Kyle, when I told him I don't have any children: "I bet if you asked God, he would give you a baby because you'd be good with one."

* When doing his Christmas share presentation, all Chas wanted to talk about was getting to sit on the motorcycle and having his picture taken.

* Sean does an incredible job with creative dramatics. His Gingerbread Man today had me in absolute stitches. The boy has an acting career ahead of him.

* Jeanne knitted me a beautiful blue scarf, so soft and fuzzy that I wore it all day!

2003-01-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

I'm eating biscotti with -fudge- on top. Can I say how much that kicks ass? *grin* Thank you Cleo!

Yikes, I can't believe that Christmas break is over already. Two weeks... It felt like forever before it started. Now I don't know where the damn time went! I was going to have my January lessons all in place. It's been a great year so far, and we -have- been accomplishing things. But I still feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants more days than not. And I know that has a lot to do with my student population... we've made an art of grabbing those "teaching moments" *grin*... but I think I'd be more comfortable with a weensy bit more of a definite plan in place.

Been glued to my Paris guide books over the break. You'd think I'd know the city by heart now, but I get that huge geeky-traveller thrill by buying the most up-to-date books and pouring over them. I want to check out Baroque architecture and art on this trip.

Oh, and Reesa and I have a goal of first draft finished by April. And then we can sit in the literary cafe of our choice and edit! *grin* Because as we all know, Paris is the nurturing ground of all aspiring novelists...

2002-12-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

Short and sweet? Super Christmas. *grin* One of the best ever. I'd've posted that a long time ago except that I got tons of cool books and I've been too busy reading!

2002-12-22T19:09:00.000-05:00

It's been a wonderful start to the holiday season. Despite the fact that I haven't done any present-mailing yet. *wince wince* And despite the "Omigawd, I haven't got NEAR enough presents for..." panic. Of course, both these things ARE a part of Christmas for me. *grin* Probably wouldn't even recognize the season without them.

And the wonderfulness, in no particular order...

Chas finally got to see the bike on Friday. Can I say how much I love that child? No favorites here though! *nodnod* Teachers don't have favorites. My paperwhites are in bloom, scenting the whole house. Although we'll be missing a member of The Collective on the actual holiday, we had a super early Christmas, with gorgeous green scarves and fuzzy shirts and kick-ass food processors. I got to spend time with my brother and sister today, always a chance to realize again how much I love them. I had smoked salmon and chocolate covered pecans for breakfast yesterday! I've been remarkably lucky when shopping when it comes to crowds and short check-out lines. I'll have two weeks off, and hopefully will get some writing done. I've had a chance to read for -pleasure- this week, quite a novelty for me. Got my grade for my Advanced Teaching Techniques class-- an A! *bounce* I still have my straight-A average!!

*grin* Going to work really hard to keep this rolling since I suspect this is what the holidays are supposed to be about.

2002-12-11T11:43:00.000-05:00

Paris. PARISPARISPARIS!! And can I mention... April in Paris!

And last night, Reesa single-handedly took us through the 20,000 word barrier with an excellent bit of Del-insight.

Life is good. *grin*

2002-12-04T16:14:00.000-05:00

I work with the greatest people, a fact I am extremely thankful for today. Had to attend a conference put on by these people. A conference entitled "A Step by Step Approach for Inclusive Schools." A THREE DAY, extremely expensive conference so that two consultants who probably make more in an hour than I do in a month, could tell me how to do my job. I'm the frickin' poster child for inclusive classes! Do they really think I don't know how to do differentiated instruction?? I run eight totally different lesson plans every day! *growl* Or when I'm actually IN my class, instead of wasting time on useless conferences...

Bah.

But from our school we had me, Vicky, our brand-new AP, Beth of the magic vagina (a story for another day) and three other fun teachers. We almost got kicked out... not that that would've been a -bad- thing. *grin* Just hard to explain. "Um, yeah, we were asked to leave because our group response to the dumb-ass question of 'inclusion is most like what small appliance?' was a vacuum, because it sucks you dry." Our response to 'what question would you like to see answered at this seminar?' was "where's the money?"

And that was just the beginning. I, uh, told one of the presenters that her theories were nice in her ivory tower, but in the trenches were merely idealistic. And then our AP nodded and agreed with me! *snicker* Needless to say, she wasn't exactly happy with our table.

I'm hoping for a snow day tomorrow... give them a chance to get over being pissed before the next session.

2002-12-01T21:31:00.000-05:00

Oh, and Reesa and I broke the 15,000 word barrier! Wooo hooo! -We- kick ass.

2002-12-01T21:30:00.000-05:00

It's been a wonderful Thanksgiving... Probably one of the best ever. We hosted, and the food kicked ass. The turkey was beautiful... brought tears to the eyes! Mashed potatoes with fresh rosemary and chives, stuffing made with sourdough bread and cranberries.

And it wasn't just about the food. I know it sounds cliched, but it was a nice, quiet weekend where I had a chance to reflect on all the things I have to be thankful for. There's a lot of them.

2002-11-19T16:52:00.000-05:00

A quote from a friend of mine's live journal: "Every time I have an idea but don't have the time or inclination to act on it... I'll write it on a small piece of paper and put it in the box. That way it isn't really lost, nor is it stuck in my head. I swiped the idea from the director of The Return of the Living Dead, who, during his on-DVD interview, jokingly suggested that whenever he needed an idea would open the closet and reach into his idea jar."

I like this idea! The imagery is better than just keeping a notebook.

2002-10-28T20:42:00.000-05:00

"So we should live each day as if it's our last? No. Another cliché. You can't live each day that way; you'd spend the last six hours of the day hugging your kids and weeping. Can we pretend it's the last day of your life tomorrow, Dad? I have homework. Live every day as if it were your last, and your oil never gets changed, money's never set aside for the inevitable day that the water heater blows. Who cleans the gutters on their last day on Earth?

Some mornings, I feel guilty for groaning as I get out of bed; I see the queue of duties ahead, the same old circus parade full of clowns and sullen beasts. And who's going to clean up afterwards? Me. Ideally, I should spring from the bed and shout 'Huzzah, another day on the right side of the dirt!' Sometimes I do. Usually it takes some coffee. By then I'm three pages into the paper, which will cure anyone's good mood.

Of course you should value life. Of course each day is precious. But don't feel guilty because you spent the day working instead of sitting in a spare room drawing flower petals around your navel. What counts is what you do, not how long you get to do it. Don't try to live your life grateful for every moment; you'll fail. Live your life so others are grateful for the moments they had with you."

Another quote from The Backfence. I like it.

2002-10-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. This is just a test. If this had been an actually emergency, you would've been... something. Terrified? Annoyed?

2002-10-26T23:08:00.000-04:00

It's been a really good day. I think the lifting-of-stress has made a huge difference.

It was incredibly beautiful October weather... bright, bright blue sky, sun just strong enough to overcome the chill. Reesa and I got to lounge around eating oatmeal and watching BBCAmerica before we went to the mall to hit Sephora for a rampage of perfume and makeup sampling. Free chicken wings at the Harley dealership, where the staff were all dressed in some pretty cool costumes. Found a box turtle... First one I've seen in years! Spent some time with Gram tonight when I went down to fix her dinner. Reesa wrote some most excellent Nicky. And I get an extra hour of sleep tonight!

*grin* And it doesn't even matter that I have the Cold from Hell coming on. It's because I have kids who can't sign "I love you" without wanting to deliver a kiss with it.

2002-10-23T20:53:00.000-04:00

Shan, I might have to take you up on that offer to hide out up your way for awhile. Everyone is so on edge around here... People that I've always thought of as completely calm, cool and collected are jumping and snapping and looking behind them.

Bad times call for some laughter. And I know I can always find a smile on the Backfence page. I really like James Lileks. His Gallery of Regrettable Food kicks ass. And I saw the book at Borders the other day!

2002-10-21T21:14:00.000-04:00

Because Reesa says I never link stuff. Ghost cam links for Halloween! The recording of the girl who died in the linen mill is spooky.

2002-10-16T21:49:00.000-04:00

There's been constant helicopter traffic overhead for the last three hours. And as Reesa was just saying, another shooting is due tonight...

2002-10-14T21:39:00.000-04:00

Looked in my laptop, what did I see?
A flashin' message said "Today Therapy."
Rather walk through fire than converse with my shrink,
But I'm getting better that's what some people think.

Talk about denial and dysfunctional things,
Head's like a bell some days, it dongs and it dings.
My brain plays tricks on me, it likes to shift gears.
Spend lots of money, but I'm tacklin' my fears...

Courtesy of Mr. Buffett

2002-10-12T10:12:00.000-04:00

These are bad times. You don't see it so much on the surface... everyone seems to be going about life as normal. But the emotional undercurrents in this area are ugly. Fear mostly, anger, helplessness.

We have circle in the mornings where we read together and do the calendar. The point of circle is to help the kids develop appropriate group social skills like sitting quietly and not touching their classmates. This week... this week I've sat on the floor with them, and let as many as possible squeeze into my lap while the others hang onto my arms or around my neck. I think it's comforting to all of us.

2002-10-11T22:51:00.000-04:00

So we're all watching Monk and saying how it can really be sad sometimes. Don't get me wrong... I absolutely adore the show. But the sad part is -true-. It's awful to give up something you want to do because of, well, psychological issues, for lack of a better term. Can't tell you how many times I experienced that... Don't particularly want to think about it. It tears you apart from the inside out, makes you feel like shit, makes you treat other people like shit.

Reminds me I don't ever want to be in that place again.

2002-10-07T20:23:00.000-04:00

I've never been comfortable standing in front of a window at night. I have to be sick unto death before I can sleep in the living room alone at night because of the uncurtained picture windows. I've been teased about my fear of snipers for more years than I remember, and despite that fear being quite real, I've always been able to laugh along. Suddenly it's just not funny any more.

2002-09-29T21:06:00.000-04:00

Bah. I was going to rant about frustration with work (yet again!), but that really seems rather pointless. I love my job. I hate the bullshit that can come with it. Enough said.

Can't wait to get back to my kids tomorrow... I missed them! We do weekend share on Mondays; it fulfills lots of oral language and social goals. And some of the stories we hear! *grin* One of my guys went to China. For the weekend. We're guessing he went to a Chinese restaurant, but one can never be sure.

2002-09-23T21:17:00.000-04:00

As Reesa has (not so subtly!) pointed out, my Blog has been a poor neglected thing. But I guess I haven't Been In A Good Place recently. Well, not really a bad place, but let's say that I didn't realize until today just how incredibly stressed I've been over the last three weeks. Cripes...

But today I think I made a break through on the self-image front. There has been a whole lot of unpleasantness and strife within my department recently, a good part of it revolving around me. I know full well that I have some co-workers who think I'm a big cry baby. And I hate that. This is the only job I've ever had where I give a shit what the people around me think about me.

The break through? I -know- the decisions I've made are the best for the kiddos. Yeah, they may inconvenience some adults on staff. But you know what? The job is about the kids. And no matter what it looks like from the outside, I feel comfortable with what I've done. I still absolutely cringe at the thought of people not liking me, but there's a lot of comfort in believing in myself for a change. Woo hoo! *grin*

2002-09-01T15:04:00.000-04:00

But above and beyond the fear, it was great to have Cleo visit this weekend. *grin* She should move here!

2002-09-01T15:02:00.000-04:00

I'm fluctuating between feeling competent... And wanting to shriek and tear my hair and wail "What am I going to DO??"

Wow. Because I -don't- know what I'm going to do starting Tuesday. That doesn't mean that I can't wait to start, because I can't. I want this, I'm looking forward to it, I'm happy about it. But I'm terrified. I have a completely different mix of kids this year. From what I'm being told, one of the most challenging groups anyone at TC has ever seen. I don't care about that, the challenge is part of the job. But I'm just so scared that I won't be able to give them everything they need.

2002-08-28T19:36:00.000-04:00

Kiddos come in tomorrow for Open House... I can't wait! Vicky and I worked our asses off today, but I think our room is actually ready to roll. *grin* We have some majorly cool stuff this year. Sign language puzzles, 8-foot long alphabet floor puzzles, a cash register, magnifying glasses, and probably most popular of all with the kids, life-size (kid-size) posters of internal body parts (guts!) and a life-size skeleton.

Yaaay school!

2002-08-21T15:20:00.000-04:00

Did everyone hear that huge sigh of relief about 45 minutes ago? That was right as my computer screen timed out and a number flashed up. I passed the PRAXIS!! Oh. My. God. It's OVER. *grin*

It was a horrible replay of the SATs... And let's keep in mind that the last time I took them was November 1981! Looooong time ago.

I've been stressing hugely over this. *rueful grin* As I'm sure everyone around me will testify to. But you want to talk about fear... Here was a standardized test, which I don't believe in to begin with, that had the potential to take a career I love away from me. The thought made me a wee bit uptight.

But it's over. *dancing wildly* Yaaaay!

2002-08-18T22:31:00.000-04:00

It's been an interesting weekend. I can't believe I've been out of highschool for 20 (yes, TWENTY! Go ahead and snicker everyone) years. Am I really that old?? Shit.

I'm still trying to pull my feelings together over this. But in its plainest form? Scary stuff. The people I'm close to, that I see once a month or so, I've grown up with. I've seen them age. But to see people that I haven't seen since they were 18... and at the age their parents were the last time I saw them... Let's just say it was a little disconcerting. They were kids in my memory. And then they weren't.

And equally disconcerting is how my general memories of highschool seem to differ from everyone else's. I just don't remember ever being picked on. I remember Kari and Lee and Dave and I making witty/snide/snotty remarks about the "It Crowd" (A term I just learned this weekend. Like in crowd, maybe?), but any face-to-face interaction was always cordial. And friends who have terrible memories of being tormented... I don't recall that. In fact, I remember almost the exact opposite. Mary remembers being picked on unmercifully. I remember every male into puberty drooling over her, and every female being insanely jealous. She says life wasn't that way at all. She says she was miserable. Scott remembers being picked on. I remember every girl in our class wanting to go out with him... he was that adorable mixture of brains and befuddlement, and a hell of a body to go with.

It makes me worry. Was I completely oblivious?

2002-08-18T21:45:00.000-04:00

And thanks to Tom's genius and Reesa's implementation, I have comments again!

2002-08-14T09:45:00.000-04:00

I'm working on the cynical bit. And helping greatly Death by Caffeine, link courtesy of Cleo. *snicker* It's damn fascinating! And rather worrisome... I think I've come close to those numbers before!

It would take 192.02 cans of Diet Coke to kill you.
It would take 210.76 cans of Diet Dr Pepper to kill you.
It would take 254.15 cans of Diet Cherry Coca-Cola to kill you.

Hmmmm, guess I better stick with Cherry Coke. That extra 62 cans could be the make-or-break on a bad day!

2002-08-13T13:04:00.000-04:00

Okay, I -know- I'm being overly cynical and bitter. Tried to watch Full Monty this afternoon... always been one of my most favorite movies. But I actually had to turn it off, because the only thing I could think was "Quit whining and get a fucking job!" Err, tolerance not a big commodity with me right now.

So instead I put in Start the Revolution Without Me, a silly silly favorite from my childhood. I'm still snickering.

shallowshallowshallow... *grin*

2002-08-12T20:39:00.000-04:00

TK can't sleep on my shoulder any more, and I'm sorry for every single time I grumbled or complained about it. She just doesn't have the balance... and it seemed to happen so fast. So instead, I sleep closer to the middle of the bed, and make a nest in the feather poof next to my pillow. It lets her be close and lets me check on her every time I wake up.

2002-08-11T22:56:00.000-04:00

And yes, I have been cynical and bitter-ish and irritable lately, and I really should apologize. And note that it probably ain't going to change in the immediate future. Bleh.

2002-08-11T17:14:00.000-04:00

I'm married to the most unselfish, giving man in the world. It really pisses me off when he's made unhappy.

2002-08-10T23:18:00.000-04:00

Doubtless because I'm irrationally tired and edgy...

But really, honestly now, are people as shallow as they portray themselves to be on-line? Is it even possible to be that shallow?? I'm feeling unkind, and I should probably just shut up, nobody has to be intent and serious all the time. But criminy, do people ever stop whining about stupid useless silly stuff long enough to think about something meaningful? Do they ever make decisions about things that count? Do they even know -how-?

This is when I know it's time to take a break from reading blogs and journals and stick to news pages. *grin* Or teacher sites.

Shallowshallowshallow. It's like this little voice in the background that won't shut up.

2002-08-09T22:45:00.000-04:00

And speaking of Dr. Witter, he's been so kind. He called yesterday afternoon, and then spent another 20 minutes on the phone with me this morning. It's like everything's changed and nothing's changed. TK looks exactly the same, and yet Dr. Witter is saying that no, she's not in pain now, but that we have to be thinking about that in the future.

2002-08-08T22:11:00.000-04:00

Shan, I wish you worked at my vet's office. I hate the techs there... I think they're too rough and too loud and not compassionate enough. Granted, it was a really bad vet day, but I've felt that way about them for a long time. If it weren't for Dr. Witter, none of my girls would cross that doorstep.

2002-08-06T12:54:00.000-04:00

Wellcat. I love these people. I used some of their holidays last year (No Socks Day! *grin*) and now I find out that they have a wonderful collection of herbs and skincare products and aromatherapy oils. Yaay!